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Author Topic: Klingons Announce Takeover of Paramount  (Read 5848 times)
Kesvirit
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« on: 02 23, 2005, 04:28: AM »

An ally had a vision of this at Boreth many years ago. Prophetic indeed.
    -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Klingon Empire Announces Hostile Takeover of Paramount Pictures

Ky’Phur reports:

The Klingon High Council announced its plans for a hostile takeover of Paramount Pictures, the Earth company which owns the hugely successful "Star Trek" franchise.

As Wall Street reacted to this news, the Klingon strategy became apparent. Instead of attempting a hostile buy-out, they have attacked Paramount's Parent Company Viacom Entertainment. Sumner M. Redstone, Viacom CEO, released the following statement from his secret bunker.

"Paramount is an important part of Viacom's long term goals and we will not hand it over to anyone who blows our doors open with a disruptor! We have contacted our lawyers and they have assured us that we will prevail."

Viacom's lawyers are expected to file Cease and Desist orders in Federal Court within the next 48 hours claiming that since Paramount (and therefore Viacom) own the rights to Star Trek and everything even slightly related, the Klingon Empire is in violation of their rights under US copyright law. They will be seeking unspecified damages and might even try to shut down the Klingon Government.

When presented with this news, the Commander of the Klingon Assault Force responded, “Lawyers have no honor. If Viacom wants us to stop they will hand over Paramount.”

In response the Klingon Ambassador released this statement. “Klingons would rather die on our feet than be represented as living on our knees as Paramount has portrayed. We have sat by and watched long enough. Paramount abuses the Star Trek fans, rewrites history at the drop of a hat and then refuses to explain the problems they create. Our assault of Viacom and liberation of Paramount is the official response of the Klingon Empire to its citizens living on Earth who have requested that something be done about Paramount’s Borg-like tactics. We will not allow this behavior to continue. If you are employed by Viacom or one of their companies then you are considered an enemy of the Empire and will be dealt with in kind.”

Reporting from Klingon Assault Force Command Ship in Earth orbit, Ky’Phur Or’Lo…

==
The original article can be found at http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?hea...eadline=s4i4832
« Last Edit: 02 23, 2005, 04:41: AM by Kesvirit » Logged

Richard the Sound Guy: "And the next person to lecture me about canon risks getting shot out of one! Right, gaffers?"
Gaffers make appreciative and supportive remarks in the form of bad imitations of primate calls from the direction of the lighting grids.
tilk
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« Reply #1 on: 03 05, 2005, 08:45: AM »

It is a good day to be Klingon. I am only sad that I have not yet reached the right of assention and become a warrior.
I would have liked to cross the river of blood and eat the heart of the CEO.
What songs of GLORY! that would bring.

I could then approach the high council of paramount and ask to complete my fan film there, and bring further glory to the empire.
 
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Kesvirit
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« Reply #2 on: 03 05, 2005, 10:08: PM »

Ask? Ask?! You would not ask! You would demand it of them, as the victor you will be, and the straav’ they will soon be!

That is, if you are satisfied with the inferior likes of Paramount completing your film. Think BIG! Think nal komerex, khesterex!  Think commandeer their facilities and equipment, enslave their specialists, and use them to finish it yourself!

As for eating the heart of the CEO, you will have to battle a multitude of your compatriots to claim that particular prize. The line forms at the rear.

-=- Kesvirit
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Richard the Sound Guy: "And the next person to lecture me about canon risks getting shot out of one! Right, gaffers?"
Gaffers make appreciative and supportive remarks in the form of bad imitations of primate calls from the direction of the lighting grids.
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