Michael Jackson: Closet Klingon?

[Kesvirit]

The Spoof scoops again!

FOX uncovers .. Michael Jackson is a closet Klingon
Written by jd Balderdash

(NEVERLAND, CA) -- With 2 former jurors calling him guilty, 11 former Neverland ranch hands calling him a child molester and his own sister Janet going "Oh Michael", Michael Jackson, King of Pop, according to FOX news is in fact a Klingon, masquerading as a human.

Last month FOX, ratings floundering sent over a dozen homegrown "FOX paparazzi's" out to discover the real Michael Jackson. Sources say that FOX succeeded in it's goal. Slated to air next Sunday, "JACKSON, OH MY LIVING GOD!" is expected to draw over 120 viewers from ABC'S much anticipated "Desperate Housewives do the Miami Dolphins" episode.

"Klingons do not exist" Julia Roddenberry, wife of deceased Star Trek creator, Gene Roddenberry told FOX reporters during her interview. "I don't understand", she added after seeing FOX's top secret Jackson photos. She said, "Gene made up those alien creatures after one too many hits off the bong one night but .. Jackson's .. Jackson's a Klingon I swear. I don't understand". (puff)

Michael Dorn, the actor who played Lieutenant Worf on the popular series, "Star Trek the Next Generation" told FOX reporters that he did notice an uncanny resemblance between his fictitious on-screen persona and the candid Michael Jackson photos that FOX paparazzi's showed him. "Darn, Jackson's good" he added, "It took makeup 4 hours to make me look like that."

FOX, not spilling any beans simply tells the world to watch next Friday. FOX. 8:00 (CST), saying "Michael Jackson will be revealed as the Klingon he truly is." FOX even claims to have certified documents, signed by Joe Jackson, the Jackson's father. FOX says that Joe Jackson admitted to finding the young Michael in a corn field next to a space ship outside Gary Indiana back in 1960.

 "I didn't know what he was at the time", Joe Jackson told FOX, "but I cleaned him up, took him in and made him dance and sing between whippings". Members of the Jackson camp refused to comment on Jackson's possible Klingon heritage. Jackson's new umbrella holder did tell FOX,

"It's a science fiction show, Star Trek. Mr Jackson is not a Klingon, he's just a child mo .. er .. oops. Can you strike that ?"

[Abbot Nej vIt]

Don't think I'll be Tuning in to this one...<Grimace>...

[Kesvirit]

The one in the photo does not look like any variety of Klingon I have seen, though it is a large Empire and I am far from covering all its territories. Perhaps he represents one of the less-than-successful early results of the Imperial fusions program....

[qoSagh]

The eyebrows look more like a grotesque version of a Vulcan than anything else, and I'm not sure what to make of that frown. I do notice a complete lack of cranial ridges, so he would at a minimum be a fusion, although I'm not sure we can stipulate either human or romulan for certain. At the risk of not treating this joke as the humor it is, I would also add that as has been mentioned many times on these forums, actions not appearance make one Klingon, so Michael is out on that count as well.

[KAllen]

I don't doubt that Wacko Jacko is in the closet...but it aint for being Klingon!!!

[ShinRa]

I..I do not know what that picture depicts, but it is clearly the last stage of the augment virus...the last stage that thankfully most sufferers did not even live to see.

 

[jorDe]

I would believe closet Frengi, but NOT Klingon.

[warstarcerberus]

to quote my main man-[ klingon] WORF he has neither honor or pride.