Klingon Limericks

[SoplaHtaHwI']

• There once was a Ferengi on Qo'noS
  [li]Who said "Oh Chancellor please can you loan 's"
  [li]"A swift Bird of Prey"
  [li]"So we can get on our way"
  [li]And be gone from this planet that owns us"

It's a far fetch, but as it is the first...

Please show me I need practice. This was done in 3 minutes flat(-ish)

[Kesvirit]

As decribed in the post launching the The Great Klingon Haiku and Limerick Contest, haiku division, the formula for a limerick is:

line A) seven syllables
line B) seven syllables
line C) five syllables
line D) five syllables
line E) seven syllables
Lines A, B, and E must rhyme. Lines C and D must rhyme.

Your reads:

There once was a Ferengi on Qo'noS /

10 syllables
Who said "Oh Chancellor please can you loan 's" / 11 syllables
A swift Bird of Prey" / 5 syllables
So we can get on our way" / 7 syllables
And be gone from this planet that owns us" / 10 syllables[/list]
So you have the rhyme and rhythm right, just not the meter. The next step involves paring down the overly-long lines until they fit the 7-7-5-5-7 scheme. For example:

A Ferengi on Qo'noS / 7
Said "Oh please can you loan us / 7
A swift Bird of Prey / 5
To get on our way / 5
From this planet that owns us!" / 7

That, too, was done quickly. Writing of any kind takes time and practice. If you spend the time to chose your words carefully, to pick "just the right ones and no more" (easier said than done }}:-\ ), you can get something with better imagery without going over the alloted number of syllables. I encourage you to keep at it!

-=- Kesvirit

[SoplaHtaHwI']

Not having read the original posting properly,
I was using the, as far as I know original rules of writing a limerick:

A funny/naughty rhyme of 5 lines, where line 1 rhymes with lines 2 and 5, and line 3 and 4 rhyme with eachother.

ref: Limerick discussion

I only know of a syllable count with haikus....

I will endeavor to stick to this (added?) rule for the Klingon Limerick.

[Kesvirit]

This was the system that I was taught. I confirmed it with a literature professor specializing in poetic form before posting the initial contest challenge.  However, a Google run reveals differing definitions that vary on the number of syllables and stress a 3-3-2-2-3 poetic foot (a pattern of accented and unaccented syllables) scheme instead.

I humbly apologise to all for posting misleading information.

-=- Kesvirit

[SoplaHtaHwI']

I too have googled for my initial information, used to combat the "rules".
However I have thereafter been told a limerick is not a limerick without appropriate syllable-counting.

The number of syllables seems indeed to vary, as my source mentioned 8 and not 7 syllables in line 1,2 and 5.

I think the rules as they stand are fine, and I merely need a little longer to think about the sentences before I post them... }}:-)

[Kesvirit]

The one is most gracious and forgiving in light of such an error.  *bows*

For whatever they are worth now, here are a few examples I had posted before the crash:

"The Scout"
A settlement scout named Kesv
Saw warr'ors bathe through a hedge
She nudged her sargh in,
And thought with a grin,
"Never seen more done with less."

(Further evidence of what I won't do to keep myself occupied while waiting in line at the freight transit depot):

"Thwarted" (still looking for a better title)
Kang's crew was tricked by the Feds,
Kirk, and a 'shroom that glowed red.
How fun could it be
To let Kirk go free
When all you want is his head?

(I had considered "Nobody Told Me There'd Be Days Like These" as a title for the latter, but an unpleasant  visit from John Lennon's spirit convinced me otherwise.)

-=- Kesv

[Klythe]

Which do you like better?

The Squire of Gothos, Trelane
Did to his parents complain
To play with Mr Worf,
an intellectual dwarf
Could only be fun if he had a brain

The Squire of Gothos, Trelane
Did  to his parents complain
To play with Mr Kor
was a terrible bore
His body,  far too easy to sprain

[edit-  Corrected spelling mistakes and improved rhythm. ]

[Kesvirit]

These are our only options? }}: P  }}; )

*gets out tweezers and clears throat officiously* A Shire is an administrative uniti equivalent to a county in Great Britian, a breed of draft horse, and a river in SE Africa.

But seriously, folks... It's a bit unwieldly in the syllable department. I think you need to get it at least closer to a 77557 rhythm.

-=- Kesvirit

[Klythe]

Well, I fixed mine and actually it does work better with the 77557 syllable rules, but...

"Baldrick, you wouldn't know a limerick definition if it painted itself purple, leapt up, bit you in the arse, and sang four choruses of "I am a limerick definition" to the tune of "I am Henry the Eighth".  -- Blackadder

For everyone else, from SopwI's reference the poetic foot is as follows:

The beat must be anapestic (weak, weak, strong) with three feet in lines 1, 2, and 5 and 2 feet in lines 3 and 4. This will be explained further below. However the following exceptions are allowed:

    The first foot of an line may have only one weak beat in front of the strong beat.

    Trailing weak beats that continue the rhyme are allowed at the end of the each line. Naturally these sounds must be identical over rhyming lines.

The following covers most cases, where S equals a strong beat, w indicates a weak beat, and the brackets indicate that the beat is optional. Note that on the same line, different strong beats are always separated by exactly two weak beats. The options apply only to the leading and trailing beats.

    Lines 1,2,5: w [w] S w w S w w S [w] [w]

    Lines 3,4: w [w] S w w S [w] [w]

    So Lines one two and five have 8-11 syllables and 3 and four have 5-8, but it has to rhyme form the last strong syllable on.   This makes a lot more sense and fits more actual limericks.   Weak syllables weigh less than stressed ones so it makes sense that if you get the meter right you can still fit them in.

   
I think Kesv's last line scans a lot better if it was either "I've never seen" or "I ne'er seen" depending on the dialect.    It does sound better when the first syllable on all lines is unstressed.   You could also take out the apostrophe I think since most English  speakers do not pronouns warriors with three syllables.   I always hear it pronounced to rhyme with lawyers, except sometimes poetically.


SopwI's is actually pretty close to good meter too.

Allow me to massage it a bit...


There was a Ferengi on Qo'noS
Who said "Oh Chanc'lor please loan us
A swift Bird of Prey
So we can get away
And be gone from this planet that owns us

[Kehlan]

 You could also take out the apostrophe I think since most English  speakers do not pronouns warriors with three syllables.   I always hear it pronounced to rhyme with lawyers, except sometimes poetically.

Hmm. I think that must be your American accent coming through.  Here in Britain, I've always heard ( and said it) with the three syllables. - it sounds closer to "worrier" than "lawyer"

and that is not a criticism by the way, just a comment on different accents.

Kehlan

[Kesvirit]

Well, I fixed mine and actually it does work better with the 77557 syllable rules, but...

"Baldrick, you wouldn't know a limerick definition if it painted itself purple, leapt up, bit you in the arse, and sang four choruses of "I am a limerick definition" to the tune of "I am Henry the Eighth".  -- Blackadder

Are you comparing me to Baldrick? Think very carefully about your answer.

Like Kehlan, I too am used to hearing "warriors" pronounced with three syllables (except for when I hear them all slurred together into one). Chalk it off to regional variation. I had taken some poetic license to wrangle everything into the 75577 rhythm in my initial posting. The revised versions, which fit better with the formula found by SoplaHtaHwI' and quoted by Klythe are:

"The Scout"
A settlement scout named Kesv
Saw warriors bathe through a hedge.
As she nudged her sargh in,
She thought with a grin,
"I’ve never seen more done with less."

"Thwarted"
Brave Kang's crew was tricked by the Feds,
Foul Kirk, and a 'shroom that glowed red.
How fun could it be
To let Kirk go free
When all that you want is his head?

Though I like "The Scout,"  "Thwarted," while it shows improvement, still needs work. Anyone who wants to tinker on either is welcome to them.

-=- Kesvirit

[Klythe]

    Only that your definintion of Limericks is overly narrow and would rule out Limericks from many recognized actual poets and authors.  That page has a limerick by CS Lewis that your specification would mark as illegitimate.   Does that sound right to you?

Kehlan, I recon you are right...    I was being a bit  regionalist in my pronunciation...

[Kesvirit]

Only that your definintion of Limericks is overly narrow and would rule out Limericks from many recognized actual poets and authors.  That page has a limerick by CS Lewis that your specification would mark as illegitimate. 

What page is that? CS Lewis is one of the few whose poetry I can stomach.

 Does that sound right to you?

Does what sound right? What are you talking about?

-=- Kesvirit