Request for Translation of a Quick Phrase

[Pyeknu]

I'm in the midst of writing a ST-TNG fanfic crossover with another series.  In it, I'm having an agent of Klingon Imperial Intelligence send a message to His Imperial Majesty, the Emperor Kahless (from the TNG episode "Rightful Heir").  In ending the message, I would have her say something along the lines of "May you reign ten thousand years, My Emperor."

Now, I tried this at a website that allows phrase translations and, eventually with some playing around of words, got this:

SoH DIchDaq che' wa'maH SaD DISmey, DunjoH-wIj

I had to sub in the word "reign" for rule and used the phrase "great king" in lieu of emperor.  But the base phrase is more of a direct statement, i.e. "You will reign ten thousand years," which IMHO isn't the way to speak to your head-of-state, especially in a martial society like what the Klingons possess (and given that the Emperor himself is a DNA clone of the original Kahless and effectively serves the same spiritual role as the Emperor of Japan does today, it could be seen as a major case of lèse majesté).

So if there are word-warriors out there who could help . . . 

[tesseraktik]

Good that you came here; those word-by-word translators are not to be trusted. What you have there means something like "You. A thousand years rule in certainty, my greatness-head-of-house who is not capable of using language."

I'd recommend:

qaStaHvIS wa'netlh DIS bIche'jaj ta'wI'.

You can also, if you'd like:

Move ta'wI' from the end of the sentence to the beginning of the sentence.
Change ta'wI' to voDleHwI' (both mean "my Emperor").
Move bIche'jaj to before qaStaHvIS.
Change DIS to DISmey (DIS means "year" or "years", while DISmey is explicitly plural).

So, for instance, other variants include:

voDleHwI' bIche'jaj qaStaHvIS wa'netlh DIS.
ta'wI' qaStaHvIS wa'netlh DISmey bIche'jaj.
ta'wI' bIche'jaj qaStaHvIS wa'netlh DISmey.
etc.

batlh yIqon. {Record/Compose with honor.}

[Pyeknu]

I decided to use this:

VoDleHwI', bIche'jaj qaStaHvIS wa'netlh DISmey!

With your permission, I would like to include your name or pen name in the credits for the translation.

My eternal thanks,

P'yeknu (Fred Herriot)

[tesseraktik]

I decided to use this:

VoDleHwI', bIche'jaj qaStaHvIS wa'netlh DISmey!

That works, but remember that romanized Klingon is "case-sensititve"; voDleHwI' must begin with a lower-case v, even if it comes at the beginning of a sentence.

With your permission, I would like to include your name or pen name in the credits for the translation.

Very much appreciated. My current Klingon name is loghaD (the first letter is a lower-case L).

My eternal thanks,

qay'be'. {No problem.}

[Pyeknu]

That works, but remember that romanized Klingon is "case-sensititve"; voDleHwI' must begin with a lower-case v, even if it comes at the beginning of a sentence.

Noted and changed.  Thanks for reminding me of that.

Very much appreciated. My current Klingon name is loghaD (the first letter is a lower-case L).

Done and noted as well.

qay'be'. {No problem.}

Suchaeuk-chit' ich'e yohik'hie (a farewell in a language I created for my writings called Nouki-e; traditionally translated as "Heaven's Most Sincere Blessings upon you")

P'yeknu

[Pyeknu]

Actually, for your information, here's the scene in question:

"My Emperor . . . "

   "Report, Lady Dujduy."

   "The Amargosa star has been destroyed."

   Hearing that, the clone to the man who had united the Klingon race fifteen centuries before could only breathe out as he closed his dark eyes.  "Were there any innocents slain in this miserable business, good lady?" he asked as he gazed on her image in his private quarters in the old quarter of the First City of Qo'noS.

   A shake of the head.  "No.  Only Romulans.  Just as the Lady Heva arranged."

   "She plays a dangerous game," Kahless warned.

   "Which is normal for their race.  An inheritence from their Vulcan cousins, my Emperor," the woman known among the crew of the qawJa'roD as "Duy'ij" stated.  "To us, competition must be physical.  To them, it is mental.  But it is just as deadly and just as breathtaking as what we experience."  A pause.  "We will remain here until the Nexus warp passes the system, then proceed on to Veridian III.  Your orders?"

   "Is it true there is an inhabited planet there?" he demanded.

   A nod.  "The fourth world.  Over two hundred million in a pre-industrial state as our Terran friends would view it."  A shake of the head.  "I am prepared to ensure they will not die even if I have to sabotage this ship myself with Soran aboard."

   Kahless' eyes widened on hearing that calm assertation, and then he reverently said, "You will be remembered with honour, Lady."

   A light smile.  "You have what I left you, my Emperor?"

   "I do."

   "If it happens, go to Vulcan.  A village north of the site of Gol, on the other side of the Forge from Mount Seleya.  Seek out a woman named Roy Pannan.  She lives alone in the dunes near the site of the Kiln of S'harien."  The smile widened as Duy'ij/Dujduy gazed at him.  "Explain everything to her.  She will know what to do."

   He blinked.  "She is like you?"

   A nod.  "She is.  She is a very old friend."

   Kahless hummed.  "That is an Earth name!  Why does she live on Vulcan?!"

   "She is an ancient warrior of that world whose soul was nearby burned clean by the screams of millions on her homeworld years agone," she replied.

   He took that in, and then he nodded.  "It will be done.  Qapla'!"

   A bow of her head.  "voDleHwI', bIche'jaj qaStaHvIS wa'netlh DISmey!"

   The link was then dissolved . . .

[Kehlan]

I'd like to read the entire story... will you be putting it online?

[Pyeknu]

Yes, I will.  It'll be up on Fanfiction.net, but I can't say exactly when.  My handle there is the same as here, BTW.

Fred

[ter'eS]

Probably too late, but I was going to suggest voDleHwI', wa'netlh nem bIche'taHjaj.

nem years from now
-taH on-going action.

The phrase is literally "May you (still) be reigning ten thousand years from now."  I don't like using qaStaHvIS more than I have to.