First Klingon translation

[ramonsnir]

I tried (as practice) to translate the first paragraph of Wikipedia's entry on Klingon.
I had to improvise many words, but tried to stick to patterns I've seen in other places or languages.

Hov leng 'u'Daq SuvwI' Segh lungeb tlhInganpu'. HopHaSta Hov leng 'aghghachDaq mIghpu' 'ej vagh 'aghghachpu'Daq je chorgh jIHghachvIHDaq narghpu'. retDaq chIch 'enterpray' beqvaD mIgh, 'a paS 'aghghachpu'Daq yuQjIjDIvI'vaD maqoch.

Hov leng - Star Trek (seen it in the Klingon Wikia)
Hov leng 'u' - the Star Trek universe
SuvwI' Segh - warrior race
lungeb - I'm not sure if I used it right, should be "they be fake"
HopHaSta - television (Hop+HaSta)
'aghghach - a show (in this case, TV show)
mIghpu' - again, not sure about it - but it should be "were evil"
jIHghachvIH - movie (a moving picture - jIHghach+vIH)
retDaq - should be "in the past". I found an adverbial for "now", but not for "in the past"
mIgh - again, not sure. With beqvaD, should be "they be evil to the crew", as in "be enemy to the crew"
paS - tried to use it as an adverbial for "later"
maqoch - tried to use as a verb ("be friend", with yuQjIjDIvI'vaD, "be friends to the UFoP")

Any comments, suggestions, insults and thrown weapons will be welcome.
Thanks and Qapla'!

[ter'eS]

Two general comments:
1. Don't make up words
2. Only use words in the part of speech they are listed as.

On the plus side, you seem to have a good grasp of Klingon sentence patterns.

[tesseraktik]

A very good first translation!  Some comments:

Hov leng is, indeed, a correct way to say "Star Trek". Marc Okrand himself used it three times in the special Klingon issue of Star Trek Communicator. [Source]

lungeb - ngeb {be fake, false, counterfeit[, artificial]} has only ever been used intransitively, to my knowledge, and the fact that it's been used adjectivally (may' ngeb tIv Hoch - Everyone enjoys a mock battle, tlhutlhmeH HIq ngeb qaq law' bIQ qaq puS - Drinking fake ale is better than drinking water, muD ngeb SeHwI' pat = Atmospheric Control System) is a strong indication that it can only be used in this way (although not definite proof).
I'd recommend SuvwI' Segh ngeb ghaH tlhIngan Segh'e' {The Klingon race is a fake warrior race} or SuvwI' Segh ngeb chaH tlhInganpu''e' {The Klingons are a fake warrior race}, using ngeb adjectivally.

HopHaSta 'aghghach - -ghach describes a process, state or action, which I'm not sure is proper for a show. I'd recommend jIH much {viewing screen presentation}, or possibly just HaSta {visual display}. I wish there were a Klingon word for "to entertain", so that we could call it an entertainmeH HaSta {visual display for entertaining}. belmoHmeH HaSta {visual display for pleasing} might do, but I don't quite like the ring of it, myself.
So, my personal preference would probably have to be Hov leng jIH much {the Star Trek viewscreen presentation} or Hov leng HaSta {the Star Trek visual display}, but I'm not entirely sure. Hov leng jabbI'ID {Star Trek data transmission} is another alternative.

I'm not sure about using -Daq to say "on a TV show" or "in the movie", but considering Okrand has used such expressions as may'Daq jaHDI' SuvwI' {when the warrior goes to battle}, I suppose this should be fine.

For villain, consider comething like jaghpu' {enemies}, or maybe even Subpu' jaghpu' {the heroes' enemies}.
qaStaHvIS tera' maH DIS poH wa'vatlh HutmaH jav, Hov leng jIH much wa'DIch muchlu'. - While Earth's decade #196 happened, one presented the first Star Trek viewscreen presentation.
muchvamDaq Subpu' jaghpu' chaH tlhInganpu''e'. - In this presentation, the Klingons are the heroes' enemies.
Kind of has the problem that you can't tell if it's the original series or the original episode you're talking about, though.

Uncertain how one would distinguish between a series and a feature film. I'm thinking one could call a series a much tlhegh {presentation chain}, but that's probably going a bit far.
Perhaps
jav Hov leng jIH much Segh lumuchlu'pu'. Hoch SeghDaq tlhInganpu' tu'lu'. - Six Star Trek viewscreen presentation categories have been presented. In every category there are Klingons.
chorgh Hov leng much'a'Daq tlhInganpu' tu'lu' je. - In eight Star Trek grand presentations there are Klingons, too.
[As you can see, I'm really uncertain about this, myself, despite having studied Klingon for years. I know many other Klingonists have problems with this as well. I actually think many Klingonists would like to be able to talk about Star Trek and other TV shows with one another, so we should probably consider asking Okrand about this if an opportunity presents itself.]

Regarding retDaq: -Daq is only used to express spatial relationships. [Source]
Also, I read chIch 'enterpray' beqvaD mIgh as "They were intentionally evil towards the crew", not "They were intended to be evil to the crew".
I might recommend: 'entepray' beq jaghpu' chaH tlhInganpu''e' 'e' Hechlu' Seghvam lIHlu'DI'. {When this race was introduced, it was intended that the Klingons are the Enterprise crew's enemies.}
[I really do wish that I knew of a good way to say "the first time", or "the second/third/fourth/.../n:th time", for that matter...  ...but I don't :/
There's been some indication that the word wa'DIch {first} can be used adverbially, but it appears to be in the sense of "He'll kill us if we don't kill him first."]

Using paS in this way is uncanonical and doesn't quite feel right, in any case. I might recommend qen {recently}, or possibly nungHa'bogh muchmeyDaq {on un-preceding shows}.

maqoch is rather a specific type of friend (a close male friend of a male), and it can't be used as a verb.  I might recommend:
'a DaH yuQjIjDIvI' luboqpu'. {But now they've allied with the United Federation of Planets.}

[ramonsnir]

ter'eS: I know I shouldn't create words but what could I've done? I thought about calling a TV "televISon", but except for names (like Jean-Luc Picard and Enterprise) I found no precedences.

tesseraktik: Thanks for all the comments. I've read them all of them, and learned much.

[ter'eS]

ter'eS: I know I shouldn't create words but what could I've done? I thought about calling a TV "televISon", but except for names (like Jean-Luc Picard and Enterprise) I found no precedences.

In a nutshell, you suck it up like the warrior you are and make do . The words much 'presentation' and lut 'story' usually figure prominently in these cases.  For 'movie', you could use the literal vIHbogh HaSta 'moving visual display'. (Side note: Marc Okrand recently revealed the word for 'picture' at the latest German qep'a': the word is mIllogh, but I wouldn't expect you to know that.) Don't worry about being wordy. I think most Klingon fans would rather read a clever paraphrase or descriptive phrase than a clunky made-up word.

Considering that Klingons are 24th century aliens, is it surprising that they don't have words for 20th century human technology? (Heck, 24th century humans may not know what a television was, for that matter).

I think you should not make up words, but not because I am a canon control freak (although maybe I am  ), but because making up words hinders communication. If you leave the word untranslated, nobody will understand it (the words you coin that seem so obvious to you are almost never obvious to others - trust me on that). If you include a glossary, you interrupt the flow of the text and just make reading your text that much harder. In neither case is the goal of communication served.

[ramonsnir]

Thanks ter'eS, I'll take that into account on my future translations.

[Retroworks]

http://www.shopretroworks.com/klingon%20ring%20tm.jpg
Does this Klingon translator ring look like it will work?

[Kesvirit]

That's more of a transliteration ring. (Transliteration: to change the letters/characters of a language into the corresponding letters of another alphabet. Linguists/Klingonists: let us hear the sweet swish of blades being unsheathed to cut to shreds my hobbled together definition.)

I am not sure how useful it would be, but it is a clever piece. A real conversation starter in both tongues. Beats using flashcards to into a BUM.*

-=- Kesvirit


*Bloody Unrecognizable Mess -- Chuzat