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11538 Posts in 1551 Topics by 820 Members
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Author Topic: Rage:Calm before the storm  (Read 1119 times)
Nisk-ah
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« on: 12 08, 2010, 09:07: PM »
I'm new to klingon poetry....Critics welcome!

Rage:Calm before the storm

As I perch my blade on the brink of darkness
an overwhelming feeling inside Breaks to the surface
My heart thunders and roars like an earthquake
My blood boils in a Blistering Inferno
All honour could leave me as my primal intincts take over
Revenge for all as my Enemys Perish...
The battle is Lost but the War Is not Over!...


(C) MINE,MINE MINE MINE...OR SUFFER ETERNITY OF MY FISTS!!!!
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qoSagh
Warrior Bard of the Ontological
Thought Master
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« Reply #1 on: 12 09, 2010, 09:34: AM »
Overall, I like it.

My only minor criticism would be the bit about Honor leaving. To a Klingon, especially one about to kill for vengeance, honor is of primary concern. Primal instincts and honor are not mutually exclusive, because Klingons are not driven to be dishonorable.
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qoSagh qlIStIy
meycha of the qaptaQ www.qaptaQ.org
Prothonotary of the Desert Rite
"I would kill the children of a thousand planets, just to see you smile."
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