bom cha'maH wej (Song Twenty-Three)

[jIHaD]

This is my attempt at translating Psalm 23 into Klingon.

bom cha'maH wej
Song Twenty-Three
<bom qonbogh Da'vID>
A Song which David wrote
1. DevwI'wI' ghaH joH'a''e'. pagh vIHutlh.
The Lord is my leader. I lack nothing.
2. SuDbogh yotlhDaq muQotmoH. jotbogh bIQ retlhDaq muDev.
He causes me to lie down in green fields. He leads me beside still water.
3. qa'wIj pIvqa'moH. QaQtaHghach HemeyDaq muDev pongDajvaD.
He heals my spirit. He leads me on goodness's path for His Name.
4. Hegh QIb ngechDaq jIyIt, 'ach mIghtaHghach vISIQlaH chotlhejtaHmo' SoH. muquvmoH 'oy'naQlIj naQlIj je.
I walk in the valley of death's shadow, but I can endure evil because You continuously accompany me. Your painstick and Your staff honor me.
5. jaghpu'wI' tlhopDaq jIHvaD Soj'a' Davut. nachwIjDaq Hergh DalIch. tlhoy HIvje'wIj teblu'.
You prepare food for me in front of my enemies. You pour medicine onto my head. My cup is filled to an excessive degree.
6. yInwIj naQDaq mutlha'bej QaQtaHghach pung je, 'ej reH joH'a' juHDaq jIyIntaH.
Goodness and mercy will certainly follow me throughout my life, and I will always dwell in the Lord's house.

Comments, questions, thoughts?

[QoghtlhIH'u']

At first glance, it looks good to me!
QaQtaHghach goodness : one might wonder what is meant with QaQ : good as in quality of things or good as in morally good.
If QaQ and mIgh are opposites then it is used well, good and evil

'ach mIghtaHghach vItaHvIpbe'  but I fear to endure no evil
the correct translation would be: but I do not fear to endure evil.
That is probably what you meant.

Real Klingons should not use vIp in the first person as you did in this example, but then again vI...vIpbe' is I fear not ...
To avoid using vIp in the first person in this case you might say: 'ach mIghtaHghach vItaHlaH  but I can endure evil
The comma in: vItaHvIpbe', chotlhejtaHmo' SoH I do not fear to endure evil because You accompany me  is not necessary because of the -mo' because syntax logic.

Anyway, you combined biblical poetry and Klingon very well.

QoghtlhIH'u'

[jIHaD]

At first glance, it looks good to me!

qatlho'.

Real Klingons should not use vIp in the first person as you did in this example, but then again vI...vIpbe' is I fear not ...

I thought of that, and I kind of rationalized it the same way, but...

To avoid using vIp in the first person in this case you might say: 'ach mIghtaHghach vItaHlaH  but I can endure evil

I like that. It is edited thusly.

The comma in: vItaHvIpbe', chotlhejtaHmo' SoH I do not fear to endure evil because You accompany me  is not necessary because of the -mo' because syntax logic.

Fixed.

Anyway, you combined biblical poetry and Klingon very well.

qatlho'qa'.

[Qunchuy]

Instead of the suffix -vIp be afraid to, consider the verb Haj dread.

The verb taH endure, continue isn't the same kind of "endure" as SIQ endure, bear. I think you want SIQ here.

[QoghtlhIH'u']

Yes, SIQ is better:

but I can bear evil doing
'ach mIghtaHghach vISIQlaH