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Author Topic: Star Trek Humor (Klingon)  (Read 4949 times)
tmk1000
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« on: 11 25, 2003, 08:52: PM »
Tell us your jokes.
Please just the ones that you made, not what you found online.
No obscene jokes please.
Try and make them as Klingon as possible...

Thanks

[okay]
« Last Edit: 06 02, 2005, 12:17: AM by tmk1000 » Logged
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« Reply #1 on: 03 12, 2004, 04:59: PM »
A Klingon walks into a Bar and says: Ouch!

Ok it may be an old joke but maybey that explains the age old "ridge" question.
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« Reply #2 on: 03 12, 2004, 07:23: PM »
Klingon:
Qo'noSDaq yuch Suy qach 'el ghIQbogh tera'ngan.
mu'ghomDaj laDtaHvIS, jatlh: <<nuqDaq Quch Dapol?>>
Hagh Suy, ghIq tera'ngan HoH.

English:
A vacationing Terran enters a chocolate shop on Kronos.
While reading his dictionary, he says, "Where do you keep foreheads?"
The merchant laughs, then kills the Terran.

This is actually a long, drawn out pun. "Chocolate" is {yuch} in tlhIngan Hol, and the most common word for "forehead" is {Quch}.

Get it?

:: pauses for uproarious laghter::

::continues to pause::

::no laughter forthcoming. is now a little embarrassed::

Well, it's really funny in Klingon.

Really.

 Tongue

HovpoH 701280.0
« Last Edit: 03 12, 2004, 07:25: PM by ngabwI » Logged
jatlh Huch, 'ach bom yuch!
"Money talks, but chocolate sings!"
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« Reply #3 on: 02 09, 2005, 10:04: AM »
Last season an ally forwarded me a series of topical Terran jokes of the genre known as "Why did the chicken cross the road?":
Quote
George W. Bush -- We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us.  There is no middle ground here.

Colin Powell -- Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

Hans Blix -- We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

Martha Stewart -- No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.  No little bird gave me any insider information.
And so on. (More available upon request.)

The night before last, I re-read them in an attempt to distract myself from the day's events and achieve sleep. In the zone of limbo between consciousness and un-,  things took a turn:

Klag -- To catch and eat the gagh while it is alive!

Kor -- Because it was past its prime... obsolete in these modern times.  It was reckless, suicidal, and in desperate need of attention.  It wanted to go out in a blaze of glory by stepping out into the road and in front of a speeding truck.

Ba'el -- The chicken would never cross the road because it knew it would never be accepted by the chickens on the other side.

Grilka -- Because if the chicken does not succeed in crossing the road, it will take its place among the rest of the roadkill!

Korax -- Get that chicken away from me!

... and of course, Worf -- The chicken crossed the road because it knew it belonged with the other chickens!  No... Wait... The chicken will NOT cross the road!  Its place is on THIS side of the road!  No... Wait...

-=- Kesvirit
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« Reply #4 on: 04 22, 2005, 11:55: PM »
Abbot Nej vIt in a Sermon at the Library:

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Because Being a Chicken, It was Difficult to Prove His Worth to the Other Fowl... By Crossing the Road, He Intended to Prove His Great Courage, therby Ensureing that in the Future the Term Chicken might come to Be Known as One Capable of Great Deeds! Unfortunately the Other Fowl Had Less Respect Not More Because Everyone Knows that One May Not "Prove" Anything to anyone But themselves... To This Day the Chicken is Still Dispised by the Rest of the Birds...

<Great Belly Laughter>...

Ok... Ok... Maybe this one is Funnier in the "Original" Klingon as well...<Grin>...
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tmk1000
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« Reply #5 on: 05 29, 2005, 10:39: PM »
Wow.That is down right funney!
 Why did the chicken cross the road?
to get honor in ether geting run over with honor,
geting to the other side to battle the other chickens before him,
or to make someone have a wreck in 'gloris'battle Cheesy  
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« Reply #6 on: 05 30, 2005, 01:41: PM »
Dare We Suggest Compileing a Klingon Joke Book?...<Chuckle>...

 
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tmk1000
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« Reply #7 on: 05 30, 2005, 06:01: PM »
well if everyone on these boards would put in jokes and buy it... Cheesy  :lol:  
why did the klingon cross the road?to get to the joke book on the other side(corny) evil  
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« Reply #8 on: 06 01, 2005, 12:17: PM »
I Don't Know about "Selling" Them so much as Just Compileing One? (Since the Only People Likely to Buy would be those Contributing any way...<Chuckle>... In Any Event it is Kind of a Good Isea...
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« Reply #9 on: 06 01, 2005, 01:45: PM »
Speaking of good ideas, for those that remember Animaniacs......How about some Klingon versions of the "Good Idea-Bad Idea" sketch?

Good Idea: Hunting wild targmey with your brother
Bad Idea: Hunting your brother with wild targmey
« Last Edit: 06 01, 2005, 01:45: PM by qoSagh » Logged
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« Reply #10 on: 06 01, 2005, 11:41: PM »
Quote
why did the klingon cross the road?to get to the joke book on the other side
*snork* It is true, too many Klingons lack all but the most rudimentary sense of humor and must resort to the Imperial Manual of Humor Procedures and Ciphers Codebook in a vain attempt to follow Curse Warfare matches.

And the Manual definitely needs an overhaul. It is heartening to see people coming up with fresh material.

Quote
Good Idea: Hunting wild targmey with your brother
Bad Idea: Hunting your brother with wild targmey
Hmph! I for one would like nothing more than to set wild targmey lose upon my brother. The only thing stopping me is the suffering I would incur from the hand of our lady mother...

-=- Kesvirit
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tmk1000
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« Reply #11 on: 06 02, 2005, 12:26: AM »
Quote
Speaking of good ideas, for those that remember Animaniacs......How about some Klingon versions of the "Good Idea-Bad Idea" sketch?

Good Idea: Hunting wild targmey with your brother
Bad Idea: Hunting your brother with wild targmey
Quote
Speaking of good ideas, for those that remember Animaniacs......How about some Klingon versions of the "Good Idea-Bad Idea" sketch?
I never saw the show but it sounds like a good idea.Or maybe the good news and the bad news
Quote
Good Idea: Hunting wild targmey with your brother
Bad Idea: Hunting your brother with wild targmey
i agree with Kesvirit...


Good news:You went into glories battle with tribbles...
Bad news:You forgot you ear covers to keep the shrilling out... evil  
« Last Edit: 09 05, 2005, 04:32: PM by tmk1000 » Logged
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« Reply #12 on: 06 02, 2005, 03:47: PM »
Ok... Let's See...

Good Idea: Being Stoic During Ones First Right of Ascention...
Bad Idea: Wearing Metalic Undergarments During Ones First Right of Ascention...

Good Idea: Showing Other Warriors Your Heart...
Bad Idea: Using Your taj (Knife), to Show Other Warriors Your Friends Heart...

Good Idea: Singing the Praises of Your House...
Bad Idea: Singing Kareoke in Anyones House...

Good Idea: Learning From ones Mistakes...
Bad Idea: Accepting Gifts From Romulans...

 
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tmk1000
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« Reply #13 on: 06 03, 2005, 12:47: PM »
Quote
Worf -- The chicken crossed the road because it knew it belonged with the other chickens!  No... Wait... The chicken will NOT cross the road!  Its place is on THIS side of the road!  No... Wait...

Well along that line of thought

Worf'Klingon chickens do not cross roads
« Last Edit: 07 04, 2005, 05:46: PM by Kesvirit » Logged
{ro'qegh'Iwchab HInob.}

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« Reply #14 on: 06 03, 2005, 03:09: PM »
....<Chuckle>...


Question: What Happens When a Jem'Hadar Soldier Walks into a Bar...?

Answer: Nothing, The Jem'Hadar are not Bred to Say "Ouch"...


Question: What Happens When a Klingon Warrior Walks into a Bar...?

Answer: Their Most Worthy Opponants Buy them a Drink!


Question: What Happens when Worf Walks into a Bar...?

Answer: He Broods Endlessly about rather there is any Honor in Walking into a Bar...
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« Reply #15 on: 07 04, 2005, 03:09: PM »
Question: What Happens when Worf Walks into a Bar...?

Answer: Nothing...Klingons do not walk into bars
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{ro'qegh'Iwchab HInob.}

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« Reply #16 on: 07 04, 2005, 05:45: PM »
Quote
Klingons do not walk into bars
No, but perhaps there is great honor is being thrown out of them. }}: \

-=- Kesvirit
« Last Edit: 07 04, 2005, 05:47: PM by Kesvirit » Logged
Richard the Sound Guy: "And the next person to lecture me about canon risks getting shot out of one! Right, gaffers?"
Gaffers make appreciative and supportive remarks in the form of bad imitations of primate calls from the direction of the lighting grids.
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« Reply #17 on: 07 05, 2005, 01:44: AM »
Klingons are not thrown out of bars,They are hurled with great force...
But for Worf the will make an exception...  :lol:  
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« Reply #18 on: 07 27, 2011, 01:09: AM »
Preface: Klythe deserves equal credit -- or blame, depending on how you look at it -- for this post. Make note of the time and location as Klingons are not known for their tendency to share, even when it comes to the parts of their enemies. What follows is the result of too much late-night joint moderating.

What kind of batteries do Klingons use to power their ships' weapons?
Assaultin batteries.

What kind of batteries do they use to power disruptors?
DuraS cells. (DuraSpu'* are very disruptive. So are their groups of operatives.) (Think hard and you'll see that one is a twofer. You're welcome. }}8 P  )



*multiple DuraSes
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Richard the Sound Guy: "And the next person to lecture me about canon risks getting shot out of one! Right, gaffers?"
Gaffers make appreciative and supportive remarks in the form of bad imitations of primate calls from the direction of the lighting grids.
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« Reply #19 on: 07 29, 2011, 11:01: AM »
Quote from: Kesvirit on 07 27, 2011, 01:09: AM

What kind of batteries do Klingons use to power their ships' weapons?
Assaultin batteries.

What kind of batteries do they use to power disruptors?
DuraS cells.


To quote vaSIy the Sabre Bear: "waqa waqa waqa"
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